Hindu Funeral Final Rites

Former TNCA cricketer and now US IT professional fights for women to perform final rites

Two lady Dentists perform entire final rites of their father in Chennai this week

In the last few years, there have been a lot of initiatives towards women empowerment. Specific seats on the Board of listed companies in India, cricket commentators referring to players (the ones who bat) as Batters (from the previous batsmen), equal rights for daughters in parental properties and priests of historical remote temples in TN sending their daughters to high profile engineering colleges (while their sons continue to go to Patshalas without TV and mobile phones).

This story is about a first of its kind initiative by R Vijayakumar, a former TNCA league and Collegiate cricketer who has been in the IT space in the US for almost three decades. In the recent past, this IT professional now in his mid 50s has been carrying out digital campaigns for the AAP through his twitter handle sitting in the US. During this phase in his life, he has also been advocating a more modern outlook towards life in general and specifically the man’s attitude towards women. And he has been carrying out this campaign within his family members.

As expected a lot of this has not found favour among the senior members of the family who have had a more traditional outlook to life. While the fight for women empowerment conversations have been going on for a while within his larger family most of whom are based in different cities in India, this week he created a flutter in the family with his so called revolutionary idea at a most sensitive time.

Following the sudden death of his brother in law,  Vijayakumar, much to the shock of his family members, pitched for the two daughters, both dentists, of the deceased to perform the entire final rites. His family members as per the custom in vogue in the Hindu community were keen for the son in law to perform the final rites but he would have none of it.

He questioned the fundamental aspects in the scriptures or the practices stating that those were scripted by men and biased in favour of men and asked as to why the loving daughters should not be an integral part of the final journey of their father.

A long standing devotees of the Vedantha Desikar Srinivasa Perumal temple in Mylapore, Chennai who is now into Kalakshepams going in-depth into understanding the inner meaning from the scriptures told this writer that these are 1000+ years old well laid out practices based on strong foundations and one should not needlessly question best practices in the name of empowerment. He also said that like the one’s belief in God and His existence, one should not ask for everything to be validated with proof.

Vijayakumar has been vocal with his views with a firm commitment to dispel the long standing position that only men hold rights in certain aspects of life. His view has been that these were made in the past to supress women and keep them under the man’s control.

If the daughters loved their father for three decades of their life and if he meant everything to them, why would they not be allowed to show their love in this final journey, Vijayakumar argued.

And much against the run of play, he won over the hearts of the daughters and overturned the large consensus that stood firm with his family members that the son in law should perform the final rites. 

Centuries old custom in the family had been done away with on Tuesday and the two daughters performed the final rites in Chennai. Vijayakumar lauds the daughters for their fresh outlook to life and accepting his view point and getting the senior members in the family to allow them to perform the ceremony.

It may not be the first in Chennai but it looks like it is the start of a trend where the next gen women believe that they have equal rights in every aspect of life including in events such as these.

The final word on this goes to Hari Pandithar, the priest at the Jambukeswarar Akilandeswari temple in Thiruvanaikal. He told this writer that a lot of these age old practices would have been laid out based on the existing scenario at that time. He points to the widowhood scenario in Bengal in the mid 19th century as an example. “A large number of young widows turned to ‘Daasis’. This didn’t seem heading in the right direction and hence widow remarriage system came into vogue”, said Hari Pandithar.

Similarly, a lot of the historical practices that were established once upon a time would have been a direct outcome of the then existing challenges and the new practices of the time would have been revolutionary at that point of time when it was first set up. And after a few centuries, this would have become the norm. 

He told this writer that the Hindu system has always given the freedom to discuss and debate issues where as other religions do not give that freedom to make easy and immediate violations of centuries old well established practices.

However, once the system has gone global where in the once traditionalists, who lived a different way of life in the centuries gone by, have gone overseas to earn their living and their most fundamental food habits have changed, some of these systems would lose relevance. Given this scenario, it is best to put the deceased to rest in peace and move forward with life instead of fighting over rights over a person’s body. And if the daughters are to perform the final rites, so be it, concluded Hari Pandithar.