Andal enduring Love Torture

Outpourings from a girl’s tender heart

 One needs to offer sincere prayers to the Lord and not be impatient with him for the Returns

Through the Nachiyar Thirumozhi, Andal describes her own experience when she tries to reach out to the Lord. It is a clear message to the devotees that it is not easy to attain the Lord and that one cannot get impatient with him. It is likely that the Lord is testing out the true devotion in the devotee by not acceding to his prayers instantly.

One has to continue to offer one’s prayers to the Lord irrespective of the reaction (or lack of it) from the Lord. In fact, at the end of this decad, frustrated at his lack of acceptance, Andal even goes to the extent of asking if she has to take another birth to attain him and if by doing so, whether she will be able to reach him when he has not answered her sincere prayers in this present birth.

She sought help from her relatives and friends to reach out to the Lord. But other than sympathy and a few words of advice, they were not able to assist her, further compounding her misery.

In this penultimate decad of the Nachiyar Thirmozhi, she pleads with them to at least bring some of the ornaments worn by her beloved that she hopes will bring some relief to her. She asks for his golden robe, the basil garland, the ornament on his chest, the nectar from his lips and even the left over mud created by the movement of his feet. She even seeks the spit from the hole of the flute that he plays.

Fan me with his yellow robe

Similar to the previous decad, Andal begins this one by ordering the world to stop their advice to her especially given the state of despair she has been in. If in the previous one, she retorted that any advice on her love would be like one given by deaf to a dumb, here she states that any talk of wisdom from the experts on love would amount to pouring tamarind over an already injured wound and is likely to add salt to her injury. She is not seeking pity from anyone.

‘Don’t you understand the feelings of a woman who is struck with grief?’

Instead if they truly cared for her well being, she asks them to bring the beautiful yellow silk robe from the waist of her beloved so she can be fanned with it and derive some comfort from it.

கண்ணனென்னும் கருந்தெய்வம் காட்சி பழகிக் கிடப்பேனை

புண்ணில் புளிப் பெய்தாற் போலப் புறம் நின்று அழகு பேசாதே

பெண்ணின் வருத்தம் அறியாத பெருமான் அறையில் பீதக

வண்ண வாடை கொண்டு என்னை வாட்டம் தணிய வீசீரே

Please control your tongue

She praises the Lord as one seen in a sleeping posture in Thiru Kudanthai. Asking them to stop their lectures and teasing her repeatedly with their words, she says it is hurting her and the words are particularly piercing her like a spear. After seeking his robe in the first decad, she now wants them to bring the Tulasi garland worn by him at Thiru Kudanthai.

வேலால் துன்னம் பெய்தாற்போல் வேண்டிற்றெல்லாம் பேசாதே

While he has sent out a message that he protects the good and asks them to fear not, she has not been able to see him despite her sincere prayers in Margazhi that was followed in the subsequent months of Thai and Panguni. She has sent several communications to him through various sources (as seen earlier in the Nachiyar Thirumozhi).

Yellow Robe, Tulasi Garland and now Vanamala

And she wants more of him. Her bosom is longing for him. If he does not play false, and agrees to part with the Vanamala that he adorns on his chest, she wants it to be brought to her and rubbed on her bosom to enliven her spirit and to rekindle her sagging energy.

Get me the nectar from his lips

Her desperation indicates that these are her last wishes to save her life and to unite with him. She lay in despair in a state that she sees is beyond repair. She asks for nectar to be brought from his sweet lips before it dries out to help renew her spirit. This may possibly be ‘the only thing that can save my life.’

ஆரா அமுத மனையான் தன் அமுத வாயி லூறிய

நீர்தான் கொணர்ந்து புலராமே பருக்கி இளைப்பை நீக்கீரே

Even the Spit from the Flute hole is sacred!!!

For long, she has wept and prayed expressing a desire to be caressed and embraced by him.  And yet he has not even shown his face. He is enjoying himself by grazing cows in the forest playing the flute to the delight of the birds and the animals there when the young girl is seeking his love. Her longing for him is so deep that she wants them to bring the spittle that dribbles from the hole in the flute to wipe the tears in her eyes that are trickling down her cheeks in a hope to freshen her face.

அழிலும் தொழிலும் உருக்காட்டான் அஞ்சே லென்னான் அவன் ஒருவன்

தழுவி முழுவி புகுந்து என்னை சுற்றி சுழன்று போகானால்

தழையின் பொழில் வாய் நிரைப்பினே நெடுமாலூதி வருகின்ற

குழலின் தொnலை வாய்நீர் கொண்டு குளிர முகத்து தடவீரே

Is there justice in this world?

She refers to this world as one where there is no law. She calls her beloved as the son of Nandagopala who has shown no signs of discipline and takes law into his own hands. He has compounded her injuries by kicking her mentally and crippling her. In such a state of despair, she says that it is okay to even smear the mud and the dust created by his foot prints on her face and all over her body.  She feels that even that will be refreshing for her in her current mood.

நான் போட்கன் மிதித்த அடிப்பாட்டில்

பொடித்தான் கொணர்ந்து

பூசிர்கள் போகா உயிர் என்னுடம்பையே

Relief from Pangs of Separation?

She has not allowed anyone to touch her breasts as these were meant exclusively for him. However he seems to continue to be unjust. Even his mother seems to have accepted him as a wonder child beyond her control. It is time to bind him firmly by the arms and bring him to justice. She will be relieved from the pangs of separation only when his broad chest embraces her loving breasts.

குற்ற முற்ற முலை தன்னைக்

குமரன் கொலப்பனைத் தோளோடு

அற்ற குற்றம் அவை தீர அணைய

அமுக்கிக் கட்டீரே

Extreme display of Love

Andal expresses her extreme state of frustration at the lack of attention from her beloved. She goes to the extent of calling him a highway ‘rogue’. While she is pleading for his love, he has not even enquired about her and replied to any of her many messages. He does not even care to know whether she is alive or not.

In anger, she says that when he arrives (which she expects will happen someday in her life), she will tear her breasts and fling at his handsome chest in a way to settle ‘old’ scores with him. That way the desire that has been burning in her heart will finally be extinguished and he will get a real fee of her love for him and how he has hurt her over time by not accepting the true prayers of a sincere devotee.

உள்ளே உருகி நைவேனை உளளோ இலளோ வென்னாத

கொள்ளைக் கொள்ளிக் குறும்பனைக் கோவர்தனனைக் கண்டக்கால்

கொள்ளும் பயனொன்றில்லாத கொங்கை தன்னைக் கிழங் கோடும்

அள்ளிப் பறித்திட்டு அவன் மார்விலெரிந்து என்னழலைத் தீர்வேனே

She wonders as to his ability to serve her breasts in his next life if he does not satisfy her in this present birth. Will it not be futile to have another birth. She wonders as to what penance will she be able to do in the next birth to convince him of her love.

Hug me or say I don’t accept you

She ends the decad providing two options. One is to hug her by her bosom to convey the acceptance of her love for him.

செம்மையுடைய  திருமார்வில் சேரத்தானேலும் ஒரு ஞான்று

மெய்ம்மை சொல்லி முகம் நோக்கி

விடைதான் தருமேல் மிக நன்றே

And if that is impossible and if he bids adieu, she will at least know ‘what his views are on her.’